At times I am a little free spirited in my way of thinking and have also had to recently admit that I can sometimes be a little naive. But 3/4 of the way into 2008, I was shocked one night when talking to someone I thought was surely on his way to being my new BFF when he shared his views on male/female relationships. It burned my ears to hear him say things like men and women can not have strictly platonic friendships. And when it comes to men, if they are friends with a woman it is because of an underlined sexual agenda that the man in the relationship may be harboring. He also stated the only men who could be friends with a woman without their being any sexual benefits are gay men.
So me being the nosey rosy I am started picking the brains of men some friends and some just acquaintances, and out of the the men I talked to six men were able to give me an honest answer and four of them agreed with the aforementioned anonymous neanderthal. Then, I began to wonder which of my male friends were genuinely my friend and which ones really just wanted to get laid.
Well needless to say, I am one "friend" less, but I am curious to see what men and women think about truly platonic relationships. Are they possible?
j
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Now as sad as this may sound I would have to agree with your anonymous Neanderthal sex seeking friend. When I think on two male friends I have I can recall I met each of them under circumstances that could have eventually led to sex. One who has been a very close friend for many years was introduced to me via a blind date, he was interested and I was not. Still today 5 years later is strictly a friend, to prove your friends point underneath this great friendship that we now have he initially was attracted and interested in being much more than my friend. When I think on all the male friends that I now have or had in the past they all run that same course unless they are husbands of a girlfriend or related to a girlfriend of mine.
ReplyDeleteI think it's just in a man's nature and for that matter a woman. Unless in a relationship I think when we meet someone our initial thought is if that person a viable candidate and if not we put them to the friend category or just write them off entirely.
I can understand at the point of introduction not quite being sure how you will fit someone into your daily routine. And I am certainly not one to close the door on a great opportunity, but you do have male friends that you have not had sex not do you have plans to be involved with romantically. And if there main agenda was to get laid when they met you five years in has certainly proved that you are worthy enough to be called a friend, platonically. And I am sure there are men out there who are mature enough to see a woman as more than a sexual being.
ReplyDeleteI just don't like men enough to have any random ones around me that Im not having sex with. I love sex so much. It makes me happy and I consider it a gift from my creator so I am not about to rule my wolrd with men in my life who can't give me Billy Bob feelings. Aint no shame we are all products of that good feeling. Its not taboo. Its real life. I have one and I say one strictly platonic male friend and I used to have sex with is brother. Case closed.
ReplyDeleteWe all have friends or a B.U.D.D.Y. as Musiq Soulchild would put it.
ReplyDeleteBut there has to be a set of adults, men and women who hang out are both heterosexual and are just friends.
Leslie and I have never had sex and we are really good friends. I have an old co-worker that I have become friends with Alvin Kim and we talk and have hung out and had cocktail without having sex, my friend Emeka and I are friends and have never thought of or discussed have sex, my friends Michael and Ben here in Dallas we have hung out and never had sex or been aroused in each others company.
These are men most of them I know for a fact are strictly platonic friends who enjoy my company and I enjoy theirs.
The proof is in the pudding.
j