So,
I am here in Dallas pretty much all by myself, which was not a big deal when I moved out here because I had a grip on my life back home.
I had a healthy and happy child, dependable transportation and enough time with my support system to try to figure out how to juggle things on my own.
Well I get here and my car is no longer as dependable as it was when there were two others in driveway for me to drive and my son has not been as healthy as he once was (but will be soon)
I finally get to a point to where all my credit card bills are paid and I pay off my $800.00 electricity bill while fighting with Green Mountain Energy to fix whatever is wrong and causing this issue only to be smacked in the face with a $350.00 for this months payment.
That on top of the always unexpected Dr.s bills for Joe only to pay Dr.s who refuse to look any deeper than what they want to see appointment after appointment only to be sent home with a child who is still in pain and wakes up periodically through the night. Sometimes he just lays there quietly, and other times he wants someone to complain to or someone to be up with him.
So I am running on way less than a full tank of gas. My eyes literally burn all day I am so tired and needless to say at the end of my rope.
And to be here in Dallas all alone with noone to really talk to face to face (who is older than 10). And I am not usually a woulda coulda shoulda person, but had I not moved to Dallas I would not have so many miles and so much ware on my car, my son never would have been in a pool as we lived in a state where there are beaches and he never would have gotten sick and he wouldn't be suffering now and I would not be so tired nor would I look like Tammy Fae Baker did on her last Larry King interview. I looks like the Alamo was fought on my face. Dallas has aged, not to mention I have not had a real facial in almost two years.
In trying to make good decisions I seem to always end up screwed. What is it about my thought process of the way I see things happening or panning out that is so jaded.
I honestly and truly need more rope. And this time i promise I wont hang myself with it.
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funny you posted this...today I saw a quote that the homeboy posted... and it read "sometimes when the wind blows, you find a new direction" There is a reason why your out there. There is a reason why all of this is a constant juggle, no.. you dont know what it is, and cant see the logic, but no...that doesnt mean that there isnt any logic and reason for these events happening at all.
ReplyDeleteWhat courage it takes to step outta ya comfort zone and try to learn and feel something new. This comes with the territory, but the lesson and acheivement (sp) (What ever it may be...) is only worth someone who has the courage to obtain it.