THERE IS NO MORE ROPE.....

............SERIOUSLY.

For those of you who read my last post. Things were not going so well, but I was slightly optimistic that they would get better. And after I had my little rant, I really just sat back and chilled because I did feel really childish for complaining, after all life is life and we all go through rough patches.

But then things didn't get better, despite my efforts, but still I didn't complain. I tried to make the best of my 30th Birthday with the help of my extremely sweet friends here in Dallas despite the fact I really wasn't feeling much like doing anything.

I literally make it from day to day because I am able to cope. I can't keep coping. I have put my foot to the pavement to better things yet my efforts are always stopped for this reason or another. And although I am my and come with my misgivings and shortcomings I am really not that bad of a person. So why it that week after week I get blindsided with crap. I mean literally my outlook now is be prepared for the next boulder to shatter what small amount of peace you have so that way I am not shocked when it happens. And I know I am not dealing with any severe, it is just that I keep having these things happen without any let up.

I was at home on my lunch break doing laundry and I hop in my car and it does not start. This is the same car, I just put more than $1000.00 into just a few weeks ago that I still have a car not on. So I automatically think me being me I just waited too long to change the battery in my key. So I go to the dealership so conveniently located right down the street from my house only to discover what I thought to be a $10.00 quick-fix is actually a $800 to $1200 issue.

REALLY........

I mean seriously, I can deal with the fact that my life isn't going to be all roses, but does it have to be filled with thorns. Hell I am not even asking for petals anymore just give my a little stem.

And I know I know I am just being tested. But unlike Job I am obviously not up for the challenge. Especially when the there seems to be no end to the test. I am on question 153,225,325 and my #2 pencils has been sharpened down to the eraser.

I don't complain about being a single parent, as that is a situation I got myself into. I don't complain about being sexless as I know I am single and I am trying to what is right. I don't complain about not having extra money so long as I have enough to take care of the necessities. I don't even complain when I am feel alone and lonely since I chose to move to Dallas 1348 miles away from the people who love me most. I have tried not to complain about not getting sleep since I have a comfy bed to lay in. I don't complain when it's a little chilly and I can't afford to turn the heat on since I have a really cool fire place and tons of sweaters and blankets. But really. Now is where I start complaining.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I mean ridiculous. I literally don't know what to do at this point. My options/solution/remedy box is bare. Are you there God it's me Jasmine by myself without the slightest clue of what to next. And all I ask is even though I know it is customary when you Satan talk to point those who really are trying, can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take your finger off of me for a little while. Just a little while, because really I am one paycheck from being homeless especially since the next two paychecks are about to go to Ewing Autohaus and although I would be able to cope (because I think I have one more scoop left and the ability to literally just check out mentally) my child does not deserve the misfortune soon to be bestowed upon us because I can't figure it out.

Over the edge and throwing in the towel.

j