I don't know what it is wrong with the women in Dallas, but I have seen some of the wackest and most horrible weaves, falls, wigs and pieces here than I have ever seen in all my years as a black woman. There are some ruler we need to follow when wearing hair other than one own natural locks. Please read and pass the word on to any one who is breaking any of the rules listed below.
1. Try at all times to avoid synthetic hair. Make human hair a priority. If that does not fit into your budget (which you should when time permits) please note that nylon, yaki and other types of man made hair extension you need to switch the hair out frequently.
2. When wearing a wig, NEVER, I mean NEVER put the wig up into a ponytail of it is not a lace front with a nape added on. Do not take your Big T's Bazaar 29.99 fuchsia and black wig and try to maneuver the hair into a ponytail. The fact that hair does not naturally flow into a ponytail and you have to fold/bend the hair in the back should be a clear indication that something is wrong and you should stop what you are doing immediately.
3. If you do have a weave either sewn or glued in, please make sure you have enough hair to cover your tracks. Always remember to cover your tracks. This rules out the ever so trendy South Dallas style that allows you to gel all your hair down and glue your tracks on top of the helmet of hair. This is not cute no matter how many times your home girl Shamina tell you it is.
4. The only time it is acceptable to have more than one color of hair is if you have highlights that are done at a professional salon or a skunk that is tastefully done. Rainbow hair wigs are not allowed not for one minute. This also mean you can no longer match your hair to your outfit. A hot pink dress with blue polka dots should not be work with a hot pink wig with blue tips.
5. If you do opt for a full head weave, please make sure your beautician knows how to sew that last track at the top in to that we can not see the circle of hair attached to your hair. She/he should take the last track hold it in a circle and sew it in standing up so the hair comes up and away from the scalp thus hiding the tracks.
6. Last but not least, if your gran-papi was a slave you the nappy hair of a slave, do not put Italian mink or silky straight hair in your head knowing it doesn't match the texture of your own blended hair once it is pressed out. You can not have Oprah Winfrey and Ellen DeGeneres's hair issues on the same head and not expect me to laugh at your when I walk in to room. It makes me think you are bi-polar or have split personalities that could not agree on a hair style.
If you think I have left anything out, please add whatever rules you think need to be added.
j
Sunday, December 28, 2008
The Holidays Are Finally Over
I have never been so excited to see Christmas come and go like I am this year. My first year away from my mother on the holiday and I hated.
Bah fricken hum bug
j
Bah fricken hum bug
j
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Home for The Holidays
Never really got into this song until now. Now I play it over and over and over and over again.
Man, to be home for the holidays.
j
Man, to be home for the holidays.
j
Monday, December 15, 2008
Guys and Dolls
So I am sitting her watching Guys and Dolls wondering how many women born in 1966 where named Adelaide.
I am also noticing the super thug swagger Frank Sinatra and Marlon Brando have. Gangsters they are.
j
I am also noticing the super thug swagger Frank Sinatra and Marlon Brando have. Gangsters they are.
j
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The Grading Curve (Didn't Get to Proof)
Kira often tells me I am way to harsh on people and need to let up sometimes. She feels I often times write people off too quickly. DeDe thinks I expect too much from people and often times set my standards a little too high.
I look at it this way and probably will until Jesus says otherwise. I grade those who are closest to me a lot harder than others. If I feel like if a close friend who is in my circle has betrayed me, lied to me, doesn't have my best interest at heart, just get written off a lot quicker than a lower class friend.
Now a lower class friend is a friend that you may work with or go to the gym with and you hang out from time to time, maybe do dinner or have a cocktail but you are not thick as thieves type homies. Now a lower class friend has the potential to become a good friend so long as they don't accrue too many marks against them and get the boot. Since this friend is not a good friend to you and vice versa you don't expect much and you don't give much. Now you have to let a lower class friend know their place or else they may be disappointed that they don't get better treatment.
Groundskeeper friends fit into the category of keep your friends close and your enemies closer. This is the chick you can't leave around your man unsupervised cause she will make a move, you can't let her know too much because she will talk about you but you keep her around and she corresponds with you because you benefit from each other in various ways. This broad means nothing and you rarely talk to her on any real level.
I have a friend that was surely on the way to being a ride or die friend but because I think this person was not completely honest with me they will surely be deleted come January 1 if not sooner. The rest will be deleted via lottery selection this year as I am not particularly fond of anyone on the list.
toodles
j
I look at it this way and probably will until Jesus says otherwise. I grade those who are closest to me a lot harder than others. If I feel like if a close friend who is in my circle has betrayed me, lied to me, doesn't have my best interest at heart, just get written off a lot quicker than a lower class friend.
Now a lower class friend is a friend that you may work with or go to the gym with and you hang out from time to time, maybe do dinner or have a cocktail but you are not thick as thieves type homies. Now a lower class friend has the potential to become a good friend so long as they don't accrue too many marks against them and get the boot. Since this friend is not a good friend to you and vice versa you don't expect much and you don't give much. Now you have to let a lower class friend know their place or else they may be disappointed that they don't get better treatment.
Groundskeeper friends fit into the category of keep your friends close and your enemies closer. This is the chick you can't leave around your man unsupervised cause she will make a move, you can't let her know too much because she will talk about you but you keep her around and she corresponds with you because you benefit from each other in various ways. This broad means nothing and you rarely talk to her on any real level.
I have a friend that was surely on the way to being a ride or die friend but because I think this person was not completely honest with me they will surely be deleted come January 1 if not sooner. The rest will be deleted via lottery selection this year as I am not particularly fond of anyone on the list.
toodles
j
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
IM Conversation
josephelijahsmom: he didnt say that
josephelijahsmom: oh my gosh
josephelijahsmom: i am sooo glad Bob can not talk
josephelijahsmom: men are wrong
josephelijahsmom: real wrong
josephelijahsmom: i have relationships with men like all sane women, via the telelvision Burgunday Jones: LOL
Burgunday Jones: LOL
Burgunday Jones: LOL
josephelijahsmom: when i want to fall in love i watch hallmark
Burgunday Jones: d
Burgunday Jones:
josephelijahsmom: when i want to feel betrayed i watch lifetime
Burgunday Jones: WHOWWWWWWWWWWWWEBurgunday Jones: CHUCHHHHHH
josephelijahsmom: when i want some ghetto lovin i watch a movie on BET
josephelijahsmom: lol
josephelijahsmom: and when i want something new i go to on demand
josephelijahsmom: oh my gosh
josephelijahsmom: i am sooo glad Bob can not talk
josephelijahsmom: men are wrong
josephelijahsmom: real wrong
josephelijahsmom: i have relationships with men like all sane women, via the telelvision Burgunday Jones: LOL
Burgunday Jones: LOL
Burgunday Jones: LOL
josephelijahsmom: when i want to fall in love i watch hallmark
Burgunday Jones: d
Burgunday Jones:
josephelijahsmom: when i want to feel betrayed i watch lifetime
Burgunday Jones: WHOWWWWWWWWWWWWEBurgunday Jones: CHUCHHHHHH
josephelijahsmom: when i want some ghetto lovin i watch a movie on BET
josephelijahsmom: lol
josephelijahsmom: and when i want something new i go to on demand
Monday, December 8, 2008
PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS
Don't you just love those people who are more than willing to let you know where there is room for improvement in your life. Will boldly tell you what you have done or are doing wrong. Are able to let you know how wonderful they are an how they have done everything correctly. Swear they want to see you do better. Understand you have a tough road ahead.
Yet, with all their insight and wisdom and upper hand never offer nor do they intend to give you hand or help you lay out plan to get the said place their eyes believe you should be in.
j
Yet, with all their insight and wisdom and upper hand never offer nor do they intend to give you hand or help you lay out plan to get the said place their eyes believe you should be in.
j
I....
...CRY IN THE SHOWER WHEN I HAVE A BAD DAY
...LABORED FOR THREE DAYS WITH MY SON AND AN HOUR TO PUSH HIM OUT
...HAVE BEEN CHEATED ON
...HAVE NEVER CHEATED ON
...AM I BAD LIAR
...HAVE READ THE BOOK OF ESTHER OVER AND OVER
...WOULD'VE LIKED TO HAVE HAD A DAUGHTER AND NAMED HER ONE OF THE FOLLOWING
1. ARDEN MARIE
2. HANNAH SELAH
3. SOMETHING WITH GRACE IN IT
...HAVE PROMISED TO NEVER LOVE A MAN WHO DOESN'T LOVE EQUALLY AS MUCH
...NEED TO REPAIR SOME HICCUPS ON MY CREDIT REPORT
...WOULD HAVE LOVED TO LIVE IN THE PRE-CIVIL WAR SOUTH AS A WHITE WOMAN WHOSE HANDSOME HUSBAND DIDN'T WANT KIDS AND HAD TONS OF SLAVE FREE CASH
...TOOK MY SAT'S WHEN I WAS SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT
...HAVE PLAYED IN THE WATER AT ZUMA BEACH NUDE MORE THAN FIVE TIMES
...LOVE TO LAUGH OUT LOUD
...AM NOT AS STRONG AS SOME MAY THINK
...NOT AS WEAK AS SOME WOULD LIKE
...HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS
...AM SOOOO HAPPY DEDE IS CARRYING A BOY
...WANT A STRAWBERRY AND CREAM LATTE SO BAD
...HATE DENNY'S AND LOVE IHOP
...CAN NO LONGER USE MY FATHER'S MISGIVINGS AS MY EXCUSE
...AM A LATE BLOOMER IN A NUMBER OF WAYS
...OFTEN WISH I COULD BE 14 AGAIN
...WILL SUCCEED
j
...LABORED FOR THREE DAYS WITH MY SON AND AN HOUR TO PUSH HIM OUT
...HAVE BEEN CHEATED ON
...HAVE NEVER CHEATED ON
...AM I BAD LIAR
...HAVE READ THE BOOK OF ESTHER OVER AND OVER
...WOULD'VE LIKED TO HAVE HAD A DAUGHTER AND NAMED HER ONE OF THE FOLLOWING
1. ARDEN MARIE
2. HANNAH SELAH
3. SOMETHING WITH GRACE IN IT
...HAVE PROMISED TO NEVER LOVE A MAN WHO DOESN'T LOVE EQUALLY AS MUCH
...NEED TO REPAIR SOME HICCUPS ON MY CREDIT REPORT
...WOULD HAVE LOVED TO LIVE IN THE PRE-CIVIL WAR SOUTH AS A WHITE WOMAN WHOSE HANDSOME HUSBAND DIDN'T WANT KIDS AND HAD TONS OF SLAVE FREE CASH
...TOOK MY SAT'S WHEN I WAS SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT
...HAVE PLAYED IN THE WATER AT ZUMA BEACH NUDE MORE THAN FIVE TIMES
...LOVE TO LAUGH OUT LOUD
...AM NOT AS STRONG AS SOME MAY THINK
...NOT AS WEAK AS SOME WOULD LIKE
...HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS
...AM SOOOO HAPPY DEDE IS CARRYING A BOY
...WANT A STRAWBERRY AND CREAM LATTE SO BAD
...HATE DENNY'S AND LOVE IHOP
...CAN NO LONGER USE MY FATHER'S MISGIVINGS AS MY EXCUSE
...AM A LATE BLOOMER IN A NUMBER OF WAYS
...OFTEN WISH I COULD BE 14 AGAIN
...WILL SUCCEED
j
Saturday, December 6, 2008
"All By Myself", Grey"s Anatomy
Each week at the end of every episode of Grey's Anatomy, Dr. Grey gives her soliloquy or monologue or whatever you want to call it none of which are ever really profound in my opinion and are only things that people who don't have any real issues can relate to. Like the cute Latina surgeon who can not make up her on mind about her sexual orientation or friends who swap sex partners at work because they have no life out side of each other.
But this morning I was laying on my couch in an effort to clean out my TiVo box off all the things I can't watch during the week when the lispy little Meridith Grey said something that to my surprise was not only noteworthy but also had me in tears. I was literally sitting on my couch crying my eyes out over this forty-five second speech that was meant to inspire nothing more than viewers to turn to NBC next Thursday for another episode. But there I was unable to catch my breath because of the following statement:
"We enter the world alone and we leave it alone and everything that happens in between we owe it to ourselves to find a little company. We need help, we need support. Otherwise we are in it by ourselves, strangers cut off from each other and we forget just how connected we all are. So instead we choose love we choose life and for a moment we feel just a little bit less alone."
I started thinking, here I am all alone in Dallas no where near the ones I love and love me. No wonder I am sooooo lonely. No wonder my son is soooo miserable here in Dallas. We have no one here that really loves us and I have no support.
Yes we have met some wonderful people who have included us into their lives and shared some good times with us and friends from the past who reside here as well, but on a day to day basis we are alone. So what is it all worth. What is it worth to be here in Dallas alone, not happy.
I had actual become accustomed to being by myself during the year I lived here before Joseph arrived. But it is hard to get a child to understand that there is really nothing wrong with solitude.
I realize that I have friends in California. Ride or die to the end of the earth Thelma and Louise homegirls. Friends that I see all the time, whose ideals and values are like mine and we understand each other.
I have a family that loves and supports me no matter what. So why am I here, why are we 1432.41 miles from the people who care for us the most.
I have made the threat a million times, but this time it may be a promise, I am going to move home this summer.
j
But this morning I was laying on my couch in an effort to clean out my TiVo box off all the things I can't watch during the week when the lispy little Meridith Grey said something that to my surprise was not only noteworthy but also had me in tears. I was literally sitting on my couch crying my eyes out over this forty-five second speech that was meant to inspire nothing more than viewers to turn to NBC next Thursday for another episode. But there I was unable to catch my breath because of the following statement:
"We enter the world alone and we leave it alone and everything that happens in between we owe it to ourselves to find a little company. We need help, we need support. Otherwise we are in it by ourselves, strangers cut off from each other and we forget just how connected we all are. So instead we choose love we choose life and for a moment we feel just a little bit less alone."
I started thinking, here I am all alone in Dallas no where near the ones I love and love me. No wonder I am sooooo lonely. No wonder my son is soooo miserable here in Dallas. We have no one here that really loves us and I have no support.
Yes we have met some wonderful people who have included us into their lives and shared some good times with us and friends from the past who reside here as well, but on a day to day basis we are alone. So what is it all worth. What is it worth to be here in Dallas alone, not happy.
I had actual become accustomed to being by myself during the year I lived here before Joseph arrived. But it is hard to get a child to understand that there is really nothing wrong with solitude.
I realize that I have friends in California. Ride or die to the end of the earth Thelma and Louise homegirls. Friends that I see all the time, whose ideals and values are like mine and we understand each other.
I have a family that loves and supports me no matter what. So why am I here, why are we 1432.41 miles from the people who care for us the most.
I have made the threat a million times, but this time it may be a promise, I am going to move home this summer.
j
Friday, December 5, 2008
Luby's
So today, thanks to Tricia I experienced what my life will be like here in Texas at the ripe old age of 65 if I don't put enough money into my 401K and Roth IRA accounts.
A group of coworkers and I decided to head to Luby's, a place I thought was for feeding cars and not humans for lunch this afternoon. Considering the fact that the last place we ate at was a taco stand in the back of a mini mart adjacent to a gas station Luby's is surely a step up for Team 1.
As usual I talked major trash prior to arriving to our lofty little lunch venue. And once we entered the cafeteria style (which is something I have never had to describe but for my Cali friends is like Souplantation) eatery I noticed we had just barely missed the Golden Girls rush. So I scampered to the line and pick the safest things I could find, like steak, potatoes and cabbage as I was hurled through the line by a Southern Baptist named Miss Shirley and her helpers, whom none of which could say anything in English other than what was one the menu I was shocked by how decent the food option were.
I pick my dessert and beverage and stop at a register where I assum I am supposed to pay only to be greeting by Esperanza who could only say, "Pay when you leave."
As I stepped into the dining area of what looked like the Sally Struthers Senior Citizens Revival Life Care Center I totally wished Bitten was with me to share in this marvelous experience.
I sat down with the rest of my team mates and enjoyed, yes I said enjoyed what I would consider to be the best lunch line food I have ever had.
The next time I go (which will solely be so Joe can experience this with me) I will more than likely have the chicken fried chicken which is evidently chicken that is friend like steak that is fried like chicken. hahahahaha, who knew.
I love the southern region of the US.
Holla,
j
A group of coworkers and I decided to head to Luby's, a place I thought was for feeding cars and not humans for lunch this afternoon. Considering the fact that the last place we ate at was a taco stand in the back of a mini mart adjacent to a gas station Luby's is surely a step up for Team 1.
As usual I talked major trash prior to arriving to our lofty little lunch venue. And once we entered the cafeteria style (which is something I have never had to describe but for my Cali friends is like Souplantation) eatery I noticed we had just barely missed the Golden Girls rush. So I scampered to the line and pick the safest things I could find, like steak, potatoes and cabbage as I was hurled through the line by a Southern Baptist named Miss Shirley and her helpers, whom none of which could say anything in English other than what was one the menu I was shocked by how decent the food option were.
I pick my dessert and beverage and stop at a register where I assum I am supposed to pay only to be greeting by Esperanza who could only say, "Pay when you leave."
As I stepped into the dining area of what looked like the Sally Struthers Senior Citizens Revival Life Care Center I totally wished Bitten was with me to share in this marvelous experience.
I sat down with the rest of my team mates and enjoyed, yes I said enjoyed what I would consider to be the best lunch line food I have ever had.
The next time I go (which will solely be so Joe can experience this with me) I will more than likely have the chicken fried chicken which is evidently chicken that is friend like steak that is fried like chicken. hahahahaha, who knew.
I love the southern region of the US.
Holla,
j
Thursday, December 4, 2008
A Woman's Shoe Size
Why is it so frowned upon for women to have big feet. My whole life I have been embarrassed to tell men in particular what size shoe I wear.
A coworker of mine told me he bought his wife some boots similar to he ones I was wearing but they are a softer leather and they are brown. I was sitting there thinking how nice of you to do something so sweet for her. I love men who love and support their significant others love for fine footwear. Then he proceeded to ask me what size shoe I wore and I froze and couldn't speak like a lump of mucous was lodged in my throat blocking the words from coming out.
He laughed and was like no seriously, my wife doesn't like the boots and has never worn them and can't find the receipt. There are yours if you can fit them. Even still I hesitated.
I then asked him what size the shoes where and he told me and I told him I would take them. After we laughed at uncomfortable situation I told what size I wore and we laughed.
I think the Chinese started this problem with their foot binding rituals, the stigma that large feet are a bad thing.
I am sure Heidi Klum wears a size 10 or 11 so why should I care about my size 9 1/2 feet. I am a tall girl and I have rather long feet and a new pair of high heel brown boots for the winter.
holla
j
A coworker of mine told me he bought his wife some boots similar to he ones I was wearing but they are a softer leather and they are brown. I was sitting there thinking how nice of you to do something so sweet for her. I love men who love and support their significant others love for fine footwear. Then he proceeded to ask me what size shoe I wore and I froze and couldn't speak like a lump of mucous was lodged in my throat blocking the words from coming out.
He laughed and was like no seriously, my wife doesn't like the boots and has never worn them and can't find the receipt. There are yours if you can fit them. Even still I hesitated.
I then asked him what size the shoes where and he told me and I told him I would take them. After we laughed at uncomfortable situation I told what size I wore and we laughed.
I think the Chinese started this problem with their foot binding rituals, the stigma that large feet are a bad thing.
I am sure Heidi Klum wears a size 10 or 11 so why should I care about my size 9 1/2 feet. I am a tall girl and I have rather long feet and a new pair of high heel brown boots for the winter.
holla
j
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
The Don Mega
For those of you who had to read the title an ask yourselves who is he, please close out and stop reading now.
For those of you who couldn't wait to hear what I have to say about O'Shea Jackson then you will understand my excitement.
I have loved Ice Cube ever since I can remember. And although the thuggy, rapper gheri curl thing has never really been my style OMGosh there is something about that man.
His complexion his mi vida loca moles on his face. WHew. So please know I was more than happy when I turned on my radio this morning to hear him on the Ricky Smiley's morning show.
There is something about a west coast man's swagger. (Please note I left out the "N" word and substituted with man).
The What it do?, the Fa sho, No doubt, Playa Playa and my fav What's cracking. Man. I was grinning so hard that I had to catch myself at the light on Custer and Park and bring it all together.
I remember one night my old boss and I were in the sky box right next to Cube's at the Staple Center and for like 20 minutes I sat there wishing his flawlessly hood built wife was not with him so I could put my major groupie hoe stroll together and approach him. And I had just finished Ivy's so I was really smelling myself too. Hahahahaha.
Man, I love that man.
j
For those of you who couldn't wait to hear what I have to say about O'Shea Jackson then you will understand my excitement.
I have loved Ice Cube ever since I can remember. And although the thuggy, rapper gheri curl thing has never really been my style OMGosh there is something about that man.
His complexion his mi vida loca moles on his face. WHew. So please know I was more than happy when I turned on my radio this morning to hear him on the Ricky Smiley's morning show.
There is something about a west coast man's swagger. (Please note I left out the "N" word and substituted with man).
The What it do?, the Fa sho, No doubt, Playa Playa and my fav What's cracking. Man. I was grinning so hard that I had to catch myself at the light on Custer and Park and bring it all together.
I remember one night my old boss and I were in the sky box right next to Cube's at the Staple Center and for like 20 minutes I sat there wishing his flawlessly hood built wife was not with him so I could put my major groupie hoe stroll together and approach him. And I had just finished Ivy's so I was really smelling myself too. Hahahahaha.
Man, I love that man.
j
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
I THINK MY FRIENDS MAN IS GAY
Okay, so if you had a friends who was dating a guy that she really liked and you had suspicion but no real proof that he was gay would you tell her how you felt and why?
j
j
OPI Nail Polish
I have totally been on OPI's tip ever since Helen (my old nail tech of a very long time) and I decided we hated Essie Nail Varnish because it chipped to quickly and she was sick of seeing me wear Pinking up the Pieces.
The brand that started off by swearing to not only have the best colors, but promised their "nail lacquer" lasted the longest has truly held up to its promise. With names like Louvre me or Louvre me not and Malaga Wine (a personal fav) OPI's variety of colors is able to take your mani/pedi to places it has never been.
Well, this season I have totally been trying to stay away from my safe granny colors and usual opaques as Kira calls them and have taken the traditional dark tones of fall and winter to uncharted territory with OPI's Lincoln Park After Dark (not to confused with their Lincoln Park After Midnight which has more of a violet undertone) that is until I got a Blackberry Messenger message from Kira who told me I had to have Black Cherry Chutney, a part of the India collection. http://www.opi.com/india.asp Black Cherry Chutney sums up this seasons signature color in three words PLUM, PURPLE & VIOLET. And although it is vaguely described as a deliciously dark black-red Black Cherry Chutney will look as scrumptious on your hands as it sounds.
Stylistas, please feel free to share your favorite nail colors for the season.
j
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