What do I need "HIM" for

As I creep up the hill o' age I am constantly reminded that I am "still" single at the ripe but not rotten age of 29 3/4. To the more mature women in my family who were probably married and had birthed 3 children by the time they were my age the only thing that stops them from assuming I am a lesbian, next to my great taste in shoes is the fact that I have a son which is proof enough for them that I like boys. Funny enough the fact that I am still single seriously unnerves them and they make it a point mention the finger closest to my pinky on my left hand is "still" bare every time they get the chance which in turn unnerves me.

Throughout history, marriage was essential to men and women because there was a definite need or dependency. Men needed women to have their children and women needed men to feed said off springs. But as our species has evolved the male/female dependency rate has dropped.

With women becoming more independent and men becoming less dependable, I find myself asking the new age question of, What do I need him for? A couple a weeks ago a friend and I were chopping it up and the more we talked about the subject the more I realized I don't. I don't need him. Now I am not speaking for all women, some of ya'll need a man(or 3rd Party Consultant as I like to call them). You couldn't keep your sh*t together if you had adhesive and a KKY zipper to hold it together. But for the woman who works a 40-65 hour work week, takes care of kiddo, cooks and cleans, and maintains her household and finances what does she need said spouse around for if she can juggle all the balls on her own. Is it necessary to throw his balls into the mix as well? In your average more traditional relationship the brunt of the non-financial family and household responsibilities falls on the woman. With today's' woman being less dependent on a man as her mother was for monetary stability the financial responsibility tends be just as much hers as it is his. And from my observation being married means the occupation of my time by another entity other than myself. Outside of the traditional forms of sexual fulfillment and procreation, there really isn't anything we "need" men for anymore.

I totally believe in outsourcing. There are gardeners, mechanics, handy men and the brother or uncle who will sit with you during the long drawn out car buying negotiation process. Plus, outsourcing tends to be cheaper. You don't have to carry as much insurance or overhead and there is way less risk and involvement for the one doing the outsourcing.

With that said, when you weigh the amount of sacrifice, time and compromise it takes to have a lasting relationship (that does not offer any sort of guarantee) that will endure the test of time is it really worth it for the sake of having him around. I am not promoting fornication, but wouldn't it be equally as easy for Ms. Independent to hold down all she has and be committed to hooking with Larry Late Night for a few hours a week who doesn't mind having to creep out before the sun rises if sex is a must. A relationship that takes minimal effort and whatever time you are willing to commit without the messiness of emotions and obligations. Or what about a visit to the local Zone d' Erotica (conveniently located at North Dallas and Park) to pick up a rabbit and a super pack of batteries on your next trip to Costco(conveniently located at North Dallas and Plano Parkway).

Love is a fickle emotion says my friends Kira and and often causes spells of temporary blindness and insanity. So far all you readers who are sitting there saying to yourself she is crazy and just hasn't found love don't be fooled. Love is the one thing I believe that jades and confuses people and creates so much confusion. I have already written a novel so I will stop here, but I want to know what your thoughts are. Please, share.


j

Cowboy Boots

It has been over a year since I arrived in the Lone Star state yet I am amazed when I see someone out in cowboy boots. And not the typical Melrose short Grecian dress, cowboy hat, long beaded necklace and maybe a cut-off denim jacket way of wearing cowboy boots. And not in the sense of it's my birthday let's go to Saddle Ranch have a couple of hunch punches and ride the bull way either. I mean let me get up put on a pair of dress slacks and nice crisp collar shirt and tie and a pair of my best I wrangle cattle boots and start my day.

I remember being in Costco one Saturday afternoon after having a little wine while at lunch with a friend a seeing a rather old man in a t-shirt with his Wrangler jeans tucked into his....you got it, cowboy boots. And no one thought this was odd but me. And maybe it was the wine, but I could not help but laugh hysterically with tears streaming down my face and all. It took everything in my power not to take a picture of him and blast him on the Internet.

I know I am in the land of cattle, Dr. Pepper and backyard (piss)beer and I have learned to except that. I have even given into the philosophy of when in Rome...... But I can not get over the boots. What do they symbolize and why is it a fashion trend that Texans won't let go of? Only in Dallas can you be sitting in the Living Room Bar of the W Hotel with all of its black suits, couture martinis and trendiness only to look up and see JR. Ewing circa 2008 ordering and shot of Johnny Walker Blue Label or be sitting at a table at Kirby's only to see a group of men with their ten gallon hats sitting in the chairs next to them. I remember reading the book Bridges of Madison county and Francesca commenting that there were no more real cowboys left. Well maybe there aren't any left in Iowa, but Texan men sure have held on to the tradition of big belt buckles pick-up trucks and the infamous pair of cowboy boots.

Heee haaawwww, lets all go to Gilly's!!!!


j

Acqua di Gio

Acqua di Gio

What the heck is it about this cologne that makes me want to do bad things. It is like one whiff and I have to go into my prayer closet and repent, if for nothing else but my horrible horrible thoughts.

Anytime I smell it on someone I always ask the person who is wearing it what it is they are wearing like I don't know what their response will be hoping they will say something else in an effort to prove I am not the looser girl whose "pheromones" are ignited and released sending out a mating call to men whenever I smell Acqua di Gio.

If there is anyone who knows what sex on a man should smell like I guess it would Giorgio Armani, but my goodness did he have to do such a good job of capturing that essence and putting it into a bottle.

Being celibate makes inhaling this fine fragrance no easy task let me asure you. I feel like I am at the Abby or RAVE with Joey on a hot wear-next-to-nothing summer night with WEHO's finest gay men surrounding me on the dance floor sweating and dancing until 2am only to return home felt up, aroused and alone.

The last time there was a cologne that made me this crazy was while I was in high school reading How Stella Got Her Groove back. I sprayed my book with Calvin Klein Escape for Men at the Robinson's-May counter in the Fox Hills Mall before boarding the 108 Slauson bus one afternoon so I could feel like Winston was in the room with me at night when I read. L-A-M-E. My goodness, I am weird. Self-proclamation you read it here today or tomorrow, or whenever you read this post. I need to gain control.

Ha-ha just remembered, before Escape it was Obsession for men. And for a while there it was L'Eau d'issey by Issey Miyake and Carolina Herrera for Men

WOW, ok ladies and gentlemen what fine fragrance if any sends you into a tizzy. I know I can't be the only one. My goodness, don't let me be the only one.

Please share

j

Gwen Gwen

Lady Gweneth decided to have a baby or two and then poof instantaneously became the weird American/Euro trash junkie we see photographed before us.

With this dress Banana's mommy is saying breast feeding did not do for me what it did for Heidi Klum.

Women who have man chests like Nicole Kidman, Sienna Miller and that one dark haired 80 year old cougar from Desperate house wives should showcase their really great hair or long legs or newly injected lips. But please don't make me have to look at this horror of a site again, ever.

I can just see her having one cocktail too many and totally exposing her nipplette to the pappos and being totally unaware until TMZ posts the flicks on their website with a ? mark asking people to take a pole on whether her nipplette is exposed or she has a really big pimple on her chest.

And please Paltrow fans, don't blame the dress. Blame her sorry a** homegirl that told her the dress was hot even though she could see plain as day the midget elbows busting out from under her shoulders. If she would have been able to get that extra breast meat from her upper chest area to get along with her nipple area, this ensemble may have been more of a success than a disaster and this blog would have been all about those adorable shoes she she should not have worn with the adorably petite cocktail dress.

I know a personal shopper who works at the Beverly Center who could have put together a better non-red carpet ensemble than this.

All publicity aint good GP. You might as well take that off and let little Grape have some funplaying dress up.

Lindsay Lohan Calls Obama Colored

Just call her Lindsay Bunker

Lindsay Lohan used a derogatory term for African Americans most commonly used by racist character Archie Bunker in the 1970s sitcom "All In the Family."
"It's an amazing feeling. It's our first, you know, colored president," the 22-year-old actress said in response to a question from Maria Menounos on "Access Hollywood" about her reaction to Obama's win in the 2008 presidential race.

Click over to Access Hollywood for the interview and hear for yourself.


http://www.hollyscoop.com/lindsay-lohan/lindsay-lohan-calls-obama-colored_18394.aspx



Shortcut to: http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=2082692982653292551

The video speaks for itself.


j

Swagger

swagger
–verb (used without object)
1. to walk or strut with a defiant or insolent air.
2. to boast or brag noisily.–verb (used with object)
3. to bring, drive, force, etc., by blustering.–noun
4. swaggering manner, conduct, or walk; ostentatious display of arrogance and conceit.
(swāg'ər) Pronunciation Key v. swag·gered, swag·ger·ing, swag·gers v. intr.
To walk or conduct oneself with an insolent or arrogant air; strut.
To brag; boast.
v. tr. To browbeat or bully (someone).
n. A swaggering movement or gait.
Boastful or conceited expression; braggadocio.
//-->[Probably frequentative of swag.]
//--> swag'ger·er n., swag'ger·ing·ly adv.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language,

Once again "Hip Hop" culture has managed to take something that has a negative meaning and turn it into something positive?

j

The Puff-Gina

Okay so the about five years and two jobs ago I am sitting with my pale skinned red head alter ego Bitten and we are talking about fat women. At the time I was not "officially fat" so of course I thought the conversation topic was appropriate and hilariously entertaining.

About ten minutes into the conversation she says a word that almost made me turn blue I laughed so hard. "Puff-Gina". Once I was able to catch my breath, I made her explain what a puff-gina was. Had she seen some foreign Hustler like film where women had enlarged private parts? I didn't quite understand. Bitten went on to explain that a puff-gina is what's created when a woman's lower belly meat folds over and dunlaps onto her private parts and rests there. This is usually a result of being pregnant and not loosing the excess flab or just by being morbidly obese. The only cure for a puff-gina is to have a tummy tuck as the hanging flesh has not elasticity.

So kids, your new word for the day is Puff-Gina. Be careful where you use it as it is a little offensive and a puff-gina can actually be used as a weapon.


Please feel free to share your thoughts and puff-gina stories with the rest of us.

Happy Friday!!!

j

The Law of Attraction

Do we really get what we put out?


If I have heard it once, I have heard it a million times, you get what you give you give what you get, which has prompted me to take a "scientific" look at the Law of Attraction. Yes, I said scientific. If I am receiving what I put out, I am obviously omitting Liar, Cheater, Insincere, Pathological, a sprinkle of Misogyny & Selfishness (And those are just starters). Which is totally different that the Funny, Witty, Friendly, Honest, Giving me I think I am. Over the next few weeks, I will be working on a series of blogs that will track my "Relationship Experiment" in an effort to discover and correct my dysfunctions and show off my progress.

Your comments during this process will not only help me focus on areas I may have overlooked but also give insight to behavior I may display that others find abnormal or obtuse that I may not. By the end of my study, if there ever is an end I hope to know why it is that I have been putting out and forcing others to deal with that may not necessarily be adding positive vibes to my environment.


This means I will have to put down my People magazines and pause Chelsea Lately and actually do some real studying.

I am up for the challenge 100% .

j

Can Men and Women Really "Be Friends"

At times I am a little free spirited in my way of thinking and have also had to recently admit that I can sometimes be a little naive. But 3/4 of the way into 2008, I was shocked one night when talking to someone I thought was surely on his way to being my new BFF when he shared his views on male/female relationships. It burned my ears to hear him say things like men and women can not have strictly platonic friendships. And when it comes to men, if they are friends with a woman it is because of an underlined sexual agenda that the man in the relationship may be harboring. He also stated the only men who could be friends with a woman without their being any sexual benefits are gay men.

So me being the nosey rosy I am started picking the brains of men some friends and some just acquaintances, and out of the the men I talked to six men were able to give me an honest answer and four of them agreed with the aforementioned anonymous neanderthal. Then, I began to wonder which of my male friends were genuinely my friend and which ones really just wanted to get laid.

Well needless to say, I am one "friend" less, but I am curious to see what men and women think about truly platonic relationships. Are they possible?
j

Judges 4:1-16, A man names Barack

Judges 4:1-16
1After Ehud died, the people of Israel once again did what was evil in the sight of the Lord.
2 So the Lord gave them over to the power of Jabin. He was a king in Canaan. He ruled in Hazor. The commander of his army was Sisera. Sisera lived in Harosheth Haggoyim. 3 Jabin used 900 chariots that had some iron parts. He treated the people of Israel very badly for 20 years. So they cried out to the Lord for help.
4 Deborah was a prophet. She was the wife of Lappidoth. She was leading Israel at that time. 5 Under The Palm Tree of Deborah she served the people as their judge. That place was between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim. The people of Israel came to her there. They came to have her decide cases for them. She settled matters between them.
6 Deborah sent for Barak. He was the son of Abinoam. Barak was from Kedesh in the land of Naphtali. Deborah said to Barak, "The Lord, the God of Israel, is giving you a command. He says, 'Go! Take 10,000 men from the tribes of Naphtali and Zebulun with you. Then lead the way to Mount Tabor. 7 I will draw Sisera into a trap. He is the commander of Jabin's army. I will bring him, his chariots and his troops to the Kishon River. There I will hand him over to you.' "
8 Barak said to her, "If you go with me, I'll go. But if you don't go with me, I won't go."
9 "All right," Deborah said. "I'll go with you. But because of the way you are doing this, you won't receive any honor. The Lord will hand Sisera over to a woman."
So Deborah went to Kedesh with Barak. 10 There he sent for Zebulun and Naphtali. And 10,000 men followed him. Deborah also went with him.
11 Heber, the Kenite, had left the other Kenites. They came from the family line of Hobab. He was the brother-in-law of Moses. Heber set up his tent by the large tree in Zaanannim near Kedesh.
12 Sisera was told that Barak, the son of Abinoam, had gone up to Mount Tabor. 13 So Sisera gathered together his 900 chariots that had some iron parts. He also gathered all of his men together. He brought them from Harosheth Haggoyim to the Kishon River.
14 Then Deborah said to Barak, "Go! Today the Lord will hand Sisera over to you. Hasn't the Lord gone ahead of you?" So Barak went down Mount Tabor. His 10,000 men followed him.
15 As Barak's men marched out, the Lord drove Sisera away from the field of battle. He scattered all of Sisera's chariots. Barak's men struck down Sisera's army with their swords. Sisera left his chariot behind. He ran away on foot.
16 But Barak chased Sisera's chariots and army. He chased them all the way to Harosheth Haggoyim. All of Sisera's men were killed with swords. Not even one was left.


Thanks Uncle Will for this one.

j

Election Day

This morning I spoke to my mother during her morning commute as I do 3 to 4 days out of the week about random events, family etc. But this morning, her voice was weak and she was surely emotional. She told me that she sat on the side of her bed this morning before getting dressed and cried almost without ceasing. Today is a day of CHANGE for sure. And although it could be a milestone for women having the first female Vice President elected to office, my mother was emotional because today could be the day the voting citizens of the US elect the first African American President to office.

During our entire conversation, all she said the whole time we talked was how she wished Ed Ward (my grandfather) was alive to see this day. Ed Ward, the man who opened his home to voters and had “polling” in his living and dining room, who made sure I voted for every election from the time I turned 18 until he died and instilled in me a belief that my vote was my voice and the most powerful way to be heard. A man who knew what is was like to not be counted as equal. And even though he himself was half Irish, he was not light enough to pass like many of his siblings so he was often times passed over. He always believed that there was a power in your vote that could create CHANGE.

As I talk to more and more people from my moms generation and read various posts online, be it black or white who are open to the ever so popular concept of CHANGE Sen. Obama has ignited the country with, many of them are astounded that this day is really here and that the possibility is closer than ever. For those who lived during the civil rights era and were able to see the division and unity it caused a day like today is one that was probably hoped for, but never seen as a reality. On the other hand, many people who were born in the late 70's early 80's just always knew we needed someone other than Jesse Jackson to represent us, but the idea of there being a Black president in the white house was definitely more than just a notion. I think having minorities whether they are classified by gender or ethnic make-up as candidates in this year’s election is surely a sign that the people of American are ready for CHANGE. The good ol' way of doing things is not the way we want them done.

Please let your voice be heard and get out and vote and adding your comments, cares and concerns to this blog post.