Tuesday, November 25, 2008

What do I need "HIM" for

As I creep up the hill o' age I am constantly reminded that I am "still" single at the ripe but not rotten age of 29 3/4. To the more mature women in my family who were probably married and had birthed 3 children by the time they were my age the only thing that stops them from assuming I am a lesbian, next to my great taste in shoes is the fact that I have a son which is proof enough for them that I like boys. Funny enough the fact that I am still single seriously unnerves them and they make it a point mention the finger closest to my pinky on my left hand is "still" bare every time they get the chance which in turn unnerves me.

Throughout history, marriage was essential to men and women because there was a definite need or dependency. Men needed women to have their children and women needed men to feed said off springs. But as our species has evolved the male/female dependency rate has dropped.

With women becoming more independent and men becoming less dependable, I find myself asking the new age question of, What do I need him for? A couple a weeks ago a friend and I were chopping it up and the more we talked about the subject the more I realized I don't. I don't need him. Now I am not speaking for all women, some of ya'll need a man(or 3rd Party Consultant as I like to call them). You couldn't keep your sh*t together if you had adhesive and a KKY zipper to hold it together. But for the woman who works a 40-65 hour work week, takes care of kiddo, cooks and cleans, and maintains her household and finances what does she need said spouse around for if she can juggle all the balls on her own. Is it necessary to throw his balls into the mix as well? In your average more traditional relationship the brunt of the non-financial family and household responsibilities falls on the woman. With today's' woman being less dependent on a man as her mother was for monetary stability the financial responsibility tends be just as much hers as it is his. And from my observation being married means the occupation of my time by another entity other than myself. Outside of the traditional forms of sexual fulfillment and procreation, there really isn't anything we "need" men for anymore.

I totally believe in outsourcing. There are gardeners, mechanics, handy men and the brother or uncle who will sit with you during the long drawn out car buying negotiation process. Plus, outsourcing tends to be cheaper. You don't have to carry as much insurance or overhead and there is way less risk and involvement for the one doing the outsourcing.

With that said, when you weigh the amount of sacrifice, time and compromise it takes to have a lasting relationship (that does not offer any sort of guarantee) that will endure the test of time is it really worth it for the sake of having him around. I am not promoting fornication, but wouldn't it be equally as easy for Ms. Independent to hold down all she has and be committed to hooking with Larry Late Night for a few hours a week who doesn't mind having to creep out before the sun rises if sex is a must. A relationship that takes minimal effort and whatever time you are willing to commit without the messiness of emotions and obligations. Or what about a visit to the local Zone d' Erotica (conveniently located at North Dallas and Park) to pick up a rabbit and a super pack of batteries on your next trip to Costco(conveniently located at North Dallas and Plano Parkway).

Love is a fickle emotion says my friends Kira and and often causes spells of temporary blindness and insanity. So far all you readers who are sitting there saying to yourself she is crazy and just hasn't found love don't be fooled. Love is the one thing I believe that jades and confuses people and creates so much confusion. I have already written a novel so I will stop here, but I want to know what your thoughts are. Please, share.


j

10 comments:

  1. I have been enjoying my single life for some time now. The only thing that has made me wish he was still around was my flat tire this past weekend. I have never changed a flat tire. Then I came to my senses and got with some aaa. OKAY!!!!

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  2. Need- 1: necessary duty : obligation
    2 a: a lack of something requisite, desirable, or useful :a condition requiring supply or relief
    -----------------------------
    If you don't desire to one day becomes someones wife or you're satisfied with the entry and pleasure of foreign objects; Then I guess you don't need a man. I need a man because my future includes someone I can call my hero. Someone I can look at everyday and remind myself why I chose to settle down. Someone that can lead my household, someone my sons can emulate and receive guidance from that will finetune them into being real men. The definition above says "need" is a desire or something thats necessary to you. If even minor contributions are considered a desire to you and those contributions are mostly distributed by the male species then your question has been answered Ü

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  3. LOVE YA MY FELLOW PISCES Ü

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  4. Ells Bells, gotta be down with the outsourcing and AAA is a great company that I would recommend anytime.


    j

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  5. k.coleman brown-
    I totally loved your comment as it was sincere. I love your contribution to my blog, please keep the comments coming.

    j

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  6. No problem!!! i love doing this. Feel free to make comments on mines too Ü

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  7. Alright ya'll...There are two sides to this coin.

    J, I FEEL you, lol.,,believe me I do. K-Beezy, I feel you too, no bull shit and EB - you just reminded me to renew my AAA, ha!

    But for real though.
    The moderndayselfsufficientindependentdedicatedmaturemoralisticintelligentrealisticandsecure-woman has adapted the "I dont NEED a man" mentality simply because of what MEN have become:
    "as women become more independent and men become less dependable..." struck a serious chord with me.

    In God's infinite design, men and woman were designed with a sense and purpose that connects one to the other. Men, to be providers and women to be helpmates (with all that those two titles entail) - and thats just what it is.

    People NEED (in no particular order) companionship, air, water, food, love...and the list goes on...

    Ask ANY man or woman who has raised a child alone whether the absence of the other parent was ever missed.

    Ask ANY person REGARDLESS of race, creed, tax-bracket, etc. who has grown old alone if they have ever had regrets about their circumstance.

    On the flip side, ask someone who has been dealin with the same nogoodasstriflinworthlessassmutha-effa for way too long if they have ever had regrets.

    Of all the proposed questions, I guarantee you that the last is the only that will garner a consistently affirmative answer.

    That is because too often people hold onto to the people in their lives for comfort or out of fear of the unknown. Too often, people allow others INTO their lives for reasons other than because they have proven that they deserve admission.

    This isnt to say that a woman doesnt NEED a man. But what a woman NEEDS is for a man to be a MAN in the most simplistic essence of the word.

    What a woman NEEDS is to raise the friggin bar on her own standards in a realistic way so that she can in-turn, realistically raise the bar on her expectations of a life partner.

    What a woman NEEDS is to understand that having been born with a big dick and a bad attitude, does not automatically a man make.

    What a woman NEEDS is to also understand that yes, the bar has fallen; in part because our standards as women have. Yet there are STILL men out there. And yes, they might be hard to find but wasnt it also a part of God's infinite design that they find us?

    So until you are found, let all the "mistakes" become lessens to ready you for whatever may come. But dont become soo jaded as to believe that you dont NEED what was likely a part of your story that was written before you started crossin shit out and writing your own agenda.

    ...and understand that not having a man and progressing along without one is perfectly fine. In my opinion it can only help to strengthen your self-worth which can only help you to become the best you and IF a man worth enough should come along and recognize the woman that you are - then Hallelujah to that.

    The bottom line is that a woman does NOT need a sorryasspiece of man just for the sake of having one.

    Holla!

    (P.S: now I've gotta go back and take notes on my own effin lessin so I can tighten my shit up!)

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  8. 7 kudo bars cheese and peas Ms. Ki

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  9. Still Ki....

    Wonderful insight and I am really glad you shared your thoughts on this subject. Please continue to add as I continue to write.

    j

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  10. Anonymous,

    I am glad to have you hear as well.

    Please feel free to add to any of the blog topics.

    j

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